We interrupt this blog ....

For those who have been patiently reading through my adventures as I've published them, I apologize for the long delay between posts. For those coming to this blog after the fact, hopefully you can just treat this as a weird intermission.

 

I have struggled to write about the last couple of days of our hike. I had a similar experience when writing about our hike on the Pennine Way.  In part, finishing the blog entries about the trip is like the end of the hike itself. There's a bit of a let down - having to return to the "real world."  I think the world when I'm hiking is more real than the world I return to when I finish. I would be happy to just wander the world on foot.

 

But, this time's post-perambulation let down has been much, much harder. My depression has been severe. Returning to normal life has been hard. Work is stressful. Life at home seems devoid of color in comparison. I miss my friend. 

 

Why has it been so hard? I don't quite know. I've been walking with depression for a long time (at least since being a teenager). It comes and goes - valleys and peaks. A lot of times I feel normal, and sometimes it just lurks below the surface. This time, though, is/was one of the worst - a pit of despair.

 

My tendency is to try to keep this hidden. People don't like being around depression. And who could blame them? I don't like being around it. I only wish I could walk away from it. I've tried all kinds of things over the years - counseling, pretending it doesn't exist, more counseling, medication, counseling again, sleeping a LOT, talking to a few select friends... It's a genetic thing for me unfortunately - a chemical imbalance in my brain. Or perhaps that's what makes it easier for me to live with it.

 

If you have never experienced a true depression, I envy you. The best description I've ever read of what depression is like was sent to me very recently by a dear friend. My own severity has lessened, but I'm not "normal" yet. The edge is duller though, otherwise I wouldn't even be able to write this. So, hopefully soon I will be able to get back to my writing here. Thanks for your patience! (actual publication date June 9, 2013)